Who Is Holding You Up?
"You have stage 4 cancer and surgery is not an option. You have 3 months without treatment and 11 months with treatment." The surgeon was talking to my niece, Anna, in December of 2024. I was there with her and my world crashed at that moment...
Anna had lost everything in her family, and I had lost almost everyone in my own. For the past 10 years, it was basically Anna and me.
Anna's mother, my beloved sister, died from cancer in 2017. I prayed every day for God to heal her. And until the day she died, I believed He would. I did the same for Anna. As the months progressed, I got tired of hearing people say that God would heal Anna even if it was when she got to Heaven. I didn't want God to wait to heal her then because she would be gone and my heart would be broken. So, I got "creative" with my prayer and asked for God to heal her on THIS SIDE of Heaven. I prayed that prayer all the time... and I later apologized for it.
Last fall, I heard a message on the radio. It said that "God didn't create that 'bad thing' but He is allowing it to happen. There is a reason for it and His will may be different than your wishes." I felt a jolt inside me and I asked myself, "Who do you think you are? Why do you think your wish is more important than God's will?" If He wanted Anna healed here, then he would surely do it. I changed my prayer to, "Please heal her if it is YOUR will."
I shared this with Anna one night while we were sitting outside. We just looked into each other's eyes and held hands while quietly crying. I consider this one of the beautiful moments we shared when no one else was around. Another moment was when she said, "I am actually a little excited about dying. I want to see my family; I want to see my mama." I call these "God Moments". I believe that God gives us moments of beauty, humor, clarity, and more to help us get through these hurtful times than we can sometimes see.
Well, Anna didn't make it 11 months; she made it 14! On that last day, as I sat on her bed, I prayed for the first time for God to take her. Her struggle was too strong.
Anna's faither never waivered. Of course, she prayed for healing but she kept on. Except for not being able to work, her life didn't really change much until a few weeks before her death. With the exception of the Sunday she died, she went to church every week. In her instructions to us, she ended her letter with, "While I am sad to leave you, please know that I am not sad to be gone. Life does not end when we die on earth because Jesus took care of that." What a testament of her faith and what a blessing and comfort to those she left behind.
I have lost my parents, my husband, my sister, both my nephews and now Anna. People tell me all the time how strong I am. I am strong, but it's only because of the One who is holding me up.
Where does your strength come from? Who is holding you up today?
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