Footprints In The Sand
I was not brought up in Christianity. I had heard about God and heard about Jesus at Christmastime but that was about the extent of it. And until God sent someone into my life 5yrs. ago he really never existed for me. I ignored anything that had to do with God for 30 some years. I never believed that there was a God out there that could love me. I never believed there was a God out there at all. I lost my Mom to cancer when I was a teenager. I will say that I did know enough about God to pray. But I guess I thought when you prayed he would automatically grant your every wish. I remember praying myself to sleep night after night, begging him not to take my Mom. Well, my Mom died so I just knew that he didn't care. How could God love me if he let this happen? This hurt me so much that I turned to drugs and alcohol to fill that empty hole in my heart, anything so that I couldn't feel.
Soon after that I lost my Dad, my brother, and my best friend all within a short amount of time. Now even more than before, drugs and alcohol were what I reached for. They always seemed to be there for me and they always made the pain go away. I just didn't care about anything anymore and continually wondered why on earth was I here. So I tried for years not to be here. But try as I might, I woke up everyday only to start all over again with the business of dulling my pain and trying to turn off my feelings and thoughts. All of this led me to being raped twice, getting myself mixed up in an abusive relationship and wait there is more...being put in jail twice. Then on top of all that I got Cancer.
I am telling you all of this to say that even though I thought God wasn't there for me, he was. He was there with me even though I couldn't see him or feel him. I look back now and I can see him, many times, right there beside me.
One time in particular was on a night that I drove home when I should never have been behind the wheel. One moment I was driving and the next thing I knew, there was this policeman incessantly knocking on my car window. I woke up only to find that my car had come to rest right in front of a telephone pole. When I say it came to rest right in front of the pole, I mean my bumper was resting against the pole. The policeman got me out of the car and made me sit there with him beside the road as he spoke to me about God while we waited on my friends to come and pick me up. God had his hand on me then and he even sent someone to let me know it. But did I listen or even understand this or even care? No, I paid no attention what so ever. I actually thought the guy was crazy. This was one of the many times that God kept me safe. By all rights, I really shouldn't be here talking to you all today; I really shouldn't be here at all. When I got cancer,
I remember people praying for me, but all I could think of was That I was getting just what I deserved, that my whole life had been for nothing. Here again God intervened but I really didn't see it that way. He was with me yet again but I still didn't get it. I sometimes tend to have a really hard head.
It took a complete stranger in a diner in the middle of Manhattan, 1 yr, after my cancer episode to help me realize that God was there and that he loved me and had plans for me. At that time that hole in my heart had grown huge and I felt I had nothing left. God had sent this stranger that day all the way from Tennessee to find me because he knew that I was finally ready for him. that I was at the end of myself. God sent her. Of this fact neither of us has any doubt. This woman has since become a cherished friend of mine. She helped me to realize that everything that I had been through had led me right to that diner on that day. She helped me to see that I didn't have to be ashamed anymore and that God had given me this story to lead others to him and that if I could just help one person along the way then my life was worth something.
I listened this time; I had nothing else to reach for so when I reached up this time, I reached up for God. Since this time God led me back to college where I graduated with a degree in Bible/Ministry 2yrs ago. He led me to a women's homeless shelter where I found my heart again. It was through these women that I finally realized the path my life would take. I promised God that from that day forward I would go
wherever he wanted me too I walked in that door at the shelter as a volunteer and walked out 4yrs later as the Supervisor only because he called me here to Wilmore this summer to attend Seminary. You see he had filled that empty hole in my heart with his love and now it was time to work on my head. Since moving here he again has led me to a job where I can again use my past to love others to him. This time
it's with kids at The United Methodist Youth Home in Versailles. He also has placed yet another person in my life. A friend to walk with me in this journey, to guide me, to push me forward when I get frustrated and want to quit and to show me how to live a life that is truly a life for God.
I just want you to know from my story (actually, this is God's story) that in life, we may make many wrong decisions, but our God is near, he's not a God that is just "out there somewhere." He longs to be near us and all he wants is for us to just reach up for him. In closing I want to share a poem that a friend opened my eyes to about a year ago. It is one that you all have no doubt heard many times. It touches me as no other poem has and God put it on my heart to share this with you today. I want you to Listen to these words and carry them with you and store them deep in your heart so that you can pull them out from time to time when things get rough.
"One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.
This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.
The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." Carolyn Carty, 1963
Father, thank you for carrying us during our times of trial and suffering 1 Peter 5:7
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